Lloyd Woods' Newsletter
Our Claim to Fame is Our Name's the Same!
Issue No. 8, December 1995
You'd either classify me as frugal or as a cheapskate, I'm not sure
which. I do have a tendency to make things do double duty or get two things
accomplished at the same time. Sometimes this backfires and I get neither one
done. Didn't think much about this until one night I recalled that the
family tombstone has Wood on one side - and Harnish
on the other! No sense in letting the back side of a tombstone go to waste.
grandma Wood's maiden name so her parents and others of the family are buried
on the back half of the plot.)
I think the ultimate expression of this (what
must be a family trait) was on a Wood family tombstone in Woodville, NY.
Each of the four sides had inscriptions for various generations of the family!
Now that's really getting your money's worth! If you've got some family
idiosyncrasies send them along.
For most of the summer the neighborhood suffered through AT&T installing a
new cable on the main NY-Washington trunk. For a couple of months, every day
it was backhoes and what all digging up the yards and trying to stuff this big
orange hose through the ground. When we thought they were finally finished
they came back with a smaller orange hose to stuff through the first one! Now
the highway department has decided to tear up Route 29 on the other side of us.
That's the trouble with living where all the action is.
Install the piping first, then blow the fibre along it afterwards. - LW
Dale out in Paris, IL sent me a genealogical chart of his sister that went
back to before the Revolution with some Orange County ancestors. That
paralleled mine so I got to digging through my records plus some searching at
the local Mormon library. Found he was related as a seventh cousin, twice
removed to me. We both descended from Edmund Wood, a first settler of
Stamford, CT, Hempstead and Huntington, NY.
That's life Dale, now you're stuck
with me! One of the hazards of genealogy, you never know who you're going to
wind up being related to. He got even with me though; sent some postage money
so now I'm obligated to put out another "Final" edition of this newsletter.
Ever have a No minimum balance checking account that
inadvertently got overdrawn when you innocently used an ATM machine away
from the bank? My
youngest son did, not realizing there was a $1 charge for the convenience.
After several of these his account went negative and checks started bouncing
right and left (at $25 per check). This went on for several months before I
realized he was in trouble and several hundreds dollars in debt. Hope we've
got most of them covered now but still may have more in the pipeline. So be
careful these days, the bankers are out to getcha!
Lou was Boston-bred and of Lebanese Arab descent. For a while we had Alan,
a Jewish lad; me, a WASP, while Lou was our resident Catholic. Politics were
never discussed as we didn't want to start our own holy war (with me in the
middle) but Lou's driving was terrorism at its height. He had one bad habit
of turning around to talk to the passengers in the back seat, while he was
driving! Another source of his aggravation was that his speed control had to
be reset every time he had to touch the brakes. So he tailgated to avoid
having to go through this process, all the while cursing and lambasting the
slowpokes ahead. At other times he would keep the whole carpool waiting to go
home while he chit chatted with some filly back in the office. But he had
some redeeming qualities too. I don't remember what they were but I'm sure he
had some. Nobody's all bad.
Went to my 50th high school reunion in September. Doubt that we'll be
invited back to another. First, my wife on being introduced to one of my
classmates who now looks like Ethyl Barrymore, asked "Were you one of Lloyd's
teachers?" Then another recounted how I got into her playpen (I was only 3 at
the time but she neglected to bring that out.) Few other revelations along a
similar line and several husbands got up and warned me to stay away from their
wives! Somehow things got out of hand and I got aninstant reputation.
But I did give my speech recounting those days of raging
hormones, acne, and all the other problems of that age.
The trip started
out bad when, after getting the car all packed up and Shirley was ready on
time for a change the car wouldn't start. So we made the trip in the wife's
old Corolla. Then I forgot to bring my genealogy sheets so couldn't brag
about all my ancestors. On returning I ate some tuna salad and my throat
swelled up so I couldn't swallow or get it down and I though I was a goner.
Shirley came down with something else so I don't know how we made it home but
we did. At least the oldest son has gone back to his wife for another try
My neighbor finally finished the airplane he has been building in his
one-car garage for nigh on 15 years now. Only problem was he couldn't get
it started although it'd turn over for a bit. His wife told him to call in an
electrician but I guess there's some point of honor to not doing that - like
stopping to ask for directions. So with winter coming on I guess it'll be
another summer before he flies it. Update: somebody told him to use WD-40 in
the cylinders and it worked. When revved up, this airplane makes a fine leaf
blower! He forgot to shut the garage door behind him and the prop wash knocked
over everything in the garage - including the wings which required some
re-fiberglassing. Next he tried taxiing around the cul-de-sac but the brake on
one side didn't hold and the plane did a ground loop.
One Lloyd sent this is in which probably applies to some:
About 4000 years
ago there was a king who wanted to take his family and guests hunting. He
asked his weather advisor if it would rain. Was told to go ahead as there was
no rain in sight. As they all marched to the best hunting site, he was met by
a logger leading an ass. The logger asked them where they were going. He told
them to turn around as it was going to pour down rain soon. They all laughed
at him as the smartest man in the nation said no rain. They had only gone on
for a few miles when it started pouring down rain. As they were going back to
the castle they met the man and the ass. The king wanted to hire the man to be
his weather advisor. He told the king he knew nothing about the weather, it
was the ass that knew. I only know that when an ass points his ears forward it
is going to rain. The more he points them forward the sooner and more it is
going to rain. The king then hired the ass to be his advisor. This is why
after 4000 years we still have Jack Asses giving advise to our leaders of the
(Ed: As a former government "advisor" I can only say that we Jack
Asses weren't as dumb as the guys you sent to lead us. Maybe that's why the
leaders are trying to get rid of us - we know how dumb and crooked they are!)
Henry Kissinger was flying to South America for an important conference
along with a bunch of Boy Scouts. The plane developed engine trouble over the
jungle and the pilot said they'd have to jump but there weren't enough
parachutes. Henry said "I'm the smartest man in the world so I'll have to
jump. Scout, give me yours." So the Scout gave Henry his back pack and spared
the conference from much long-winded oratory!
Having gotten my technical paper rejected for the fifth time I decided to
try something new. While reading messages from genealogists on Prodigy I
found that many were quite elderly women who had mastered the use of the
computer. Thought I would expand on this so now I'm trying to teach a class to
residents of Harmony Hall, a local retirement home on using computers. Only
trouble is, it's scheduled right after lunch and half the class wants to take
their nap! But I'm persevering although mastering one's checkbook can be rather
daunting for starters. I'll probably learn a thing or to before I give up but
whether they will benefit remains to be seen. It should at least relieve any
boredom they may harbor.
Again, I appeal to you to send in stories, sermons, experiences, poetry, or
what have you if we're to keep this newsletter going. My wife says I'm liable
to get sued or some other dire thing if I keep printing my raunchy
recollections (it's the only thing I can recollect).
Fax phone No. +1 (410) 730-7670.
Keep the Faith and have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.
Brighter days are always ahead when it's the darkest.
A newsletter to all Lloyd Woods, by Lloyd William Wood, or LWW.
HTML web version and additional comments by Lloyd Wood (L.Wood@surrey.ac.uk), or LW.