Lloyd Woods' Newsletter

Our Claim to Fame is Our Name's the Same!

Issue No. 6, June 1995

The Wood family of crime!

The Wood brothers: they are like wolves

Car Pool Antics

Sue called the other day to announce she was retiring. The high point of my ride club reminiscences was when we had both Sue and Margaret in the pool. Both were well-endowed and of Italian descent. When I didn't have to drive and they didn't either I was directed to sit in the back between them as they detested each other and somebody had to keep them apart. There was really hell to pay when Sue found out that Margaret and I had gone to lunch together on occasion. Well, she paid, so what was I supposed to do? But it was nice having two femme fatales fighting over me!

No Way to Wake Up

Friend of mine's father was living on his boat with his girlfriend, unbeknownst to his wife. Being up in years, if not over the hill, he is beset with an inability to breathe one day. Girlfriend rushes him to the hospital and calls my friend but can't reach her. So she calls the friend's old boyfriend. That stupid idiot calls the wife! Father wakes up to find his wife and his girlfriend together at the foot of his bed - comparing notes! Well, a short while later he up and died - which was probably the only sensible way to get out of this predicament!

Computer Reflection

Those of you that know computers may vilify me but I think the surge towards using Windows and now OS/2 Warp is a sorry reflection of ourselves.

And, more importantly, a sorry reflection of a Mac. - LW

Good old DOS asks that you invest a bit of yourself and your time to learn about these machines and how to use them. In return they will allow you to do a lot on a relatively inexpensive computer in a reasonable amount of time.

Whereas you could install Linux and do a lot more. - LW

Bill Gates wants to corral us all though, enticing us to buy bigger and faster computers as well as the continually updated software, by foisting Windows and its inane hieroglyphics on those of us that can still read English. Now IBM is aping him with their OS/2 Warp which takes over your whole machine and dictates how you're going to try and get your job done.

The time wasted on either of these systems jumping from one stupid picture to another is atrocious, so our productivity has gone down the tube as well as our hard earned dollars. It's like Detroit all over again using planned obsolescence to get us to buy supposedly better and better. And once you install these beasts on your computer it's hell to get rid of them and say "Begone!" We have become a lazy people to allow these machines to take command. And we have the nerve to castigate those on welfare. We're just as dependent. 'Nuff said.

A Mystery

On a Monday morning this Spring a friend of mine was replacing our broken-down fence along the highway. Being from Wyoming, he got the posts straight up and down, but the fence line follows the contour of the ground up and down, so it looks a little unusual. In picking up the old fallen-down fence he found a home safe under the boards!

He thought it was mine but it wasn't - some purloiner had heisted it and tried to open it in my back yard! We couldn't get it open so called the police and turned it over to them. Still haven't found out if it contained anything of value (probably old tax copies like I use a safe for).

In another case of fleeting fortunes, I got a card from Reader's Digest recently telling me I had won a wristwatch in their $5 million dollar contest. Whoopee! And I had the $5 million all spent already too! But at least now we know they do give away something.

Obituary

Lloyd Freeman Wood (deceased) Lloyd Freeman Wood died March 12, 1995 aged 92. Lloyd Freeman Wood was born in Los Angeles on April 18, 1903. His parents were Clara and George Wood and his two elder brothers were Willard and Gerald Wood.

The family moved to Visalia where Lloyd attended Visalia Grammar School. Upon graduation, the family moved to Stockton where Lloyd completed his studies and graduated in 1922 from Stockton High School. Upon his graduation, the family moved to San Francisco where Lloyd got a job at City Hall as a court stenographer (many years before courts had the steno machines that you see in use today).

Two years later he was offered a job with Hartford Accident & Indemnity Company where he worked for the next 45 years. Shortly after he started working at Hartford he met and fell in love with a pretty woman named Alice Davies. Their marriage lasted 63 years until dear Alice passed away in 1988. From this union came a perky daughter named Phyllis; a chatterbox daughter named Beverly Ann; a handsome son named Frank Lloyd; and a precious daughter named Susan Lee. In 1979 Lloyd and Alice moved to Healdsburg to be near Phyllis. Both Lloyd and Alice loved their new hometown and Good Shepherd Lutheran Church became their church of worship. They left five grandchildren and six great grandchildren.

Surprise!

When we were first married, my wife worked as a surgical nurse in a well-respected hospital. The head surgeon was a little Napoleon who didn't like taller people. One day he had two operations scheduled. One was for a wealthy scion of a famous local family to have a tennis elbow repaired. The other was to be a circumcision of a middle aged man. You guessed it - the patients got switched! The second man went on to achieve fame in the world of tennis while our scion, having recovered his composure, took off for the Caribbean with his young secretary to test out his new capability! The head surgeon survived but didn't collect much in fees that day! (See, if you people would contribute stories to this newsletter once in a while you wouldn't have to suffer through all these raunchy tales of mine.)

Second Class Citizens

See where civil servants now lose their financial privacy as well as their pension expectations and previously forfeited blessings of citizenship. We all gripe about the bureaucrats but they have lost many of the citizen rights we take for granted.

As a for instance, government employees are not supposed to associate socially with former coworkers who left to work for contractors. Nor can they strike or effectively bargain for their compensation other than by quitting. Might as well join a leper colony!

And I dare say the Republicans, with their pension cutbacks and contract reneging will be just as vindictive. Eventually though when one loses we all lose.


A newsletter to all Lloyd Woods, by Lloyd William Wood, or LWW.
HTML web version and additional comments by Lloyd Wood (L.Wood@surrey.ac.uk), or LW.