Lloyd Woods' Newsletter

Our Claim to Fame is Our Name's the Same!

Issue No. 16, December 1997

Metric Time

Read in Popular Mechanics (Nov 96) that there's now a World Decimal Time Society dedicated to giving us 10-month years and 10-day weeks and presumably 10-hour days and 100-minute hours. They're still stuck with over 365 days to make a legitimate year, but maybe they can move the earth a bit to bring that up to 500. Or do we settle for 3.6525 days per week? I'm confused.

These people should be put out to pasture! Wonder why God picked 365 days for a year if base 10 was so wonderful. Even He got tired after six days, so maybe we ought to stick with 12-based systems and not get Him more disgusted with us than he already is. More of those Continentals' crap, I guess.

Continuing my tirade against the metric system, have you noticed how long the words are to describe what you're talking about? The good old English system relies on four-letter words for the most part, like inch, yard, mile, acre, foot, pint, hour, week, year. The only four-letter word the metrics have that I can recall is the gram. But they have a lot of meters, centimeters, millimeters, kilograms, liters, joules, and steres.

At least our good old system asks you to think before using them rather than just expanding or contracting a number of zeros. Things that are too simple often trip us up over something insignificant. So much for William's wisdom this week!

Pet Peeves

Icons are for idiots. Words are for wisdom. Mankind is not going to get any smarter foisting a bunch of icons on our children in attempts to brainwash them into the computer age. Pray tell me, how are we going to sort these things so they can be put in locatable order, like a dictionary?

Our First Canary

Mac was purchased at Woolworth's for about $5. The bird seemed to like Dragnet back in the 50s and we had to cover his cage to shut him up so we could hear the program. Sounded real good for a five-dollar bird.

Shirley finally got her wish to move back to California when Sun Ship went down to four days a week and I got offered a job at Mare Island. Mac was shipped Air Express as a "one-piece chicken" in his cage. The pilot told my father-in-law the bird rode up front with the crew and sang all the way across country! Our trip I'll save for another issue.

TV Commentary

Several English programs that are a refreshing change from our usual fare are "Are You Being Served", "Bless Me Father, Chef", "Appearances", "One Foot in the Grave", and "Waiting for God". They do have a knack for using real people in their productions that is refreshing.

For the romantics there's "One Day at a Time" and for nuts like me, "Last of the Summer Wine" - that should be a classic.

Columbarium Update

Latest on the status of my final home; They've put a thin laminate of marbleized stone on the sides of the "bunker" sectioned off into large squares on the long sides and small squares on the short side. Still no doors or windows but it looks like we'll get our names etched on these squares with benches to seat the contemplators. A solid slab is on top with no entrance either so I guess the inside is reserved for our souls. Where to put our ashes? Aha - they've built a fenced-in enclosure near the edge of the grassy part. That's it! They're going to use the enclosure for grass clippings and our ashes. I'm going to be compost! These New Age liberals have found the solution of what to do with us old people. Not only will we be fulfilling our "duty to die" but we'll be doing something useful and saving the "me" generation the cost of fertilizing the grass. It's the answer to an environmentalists' prayer.

More Lloyds

Cindy Wood writes that her grandfather, Lloyd Earl Wood, was born in December 1894 in Clinton, IL and died in South Bend, IN April 8, 1965. He was a carpenter and has a grandson, also Lloyd Wood, who lives in LaPorte, IN. Her brother also has the middle name of Lloyd.

She also writes that there was an artist-type painter in Nebraska named Lloyd Wood and that she has several of his paintings in her house.

Ellsworth, our country singer down in Indiana, has moved somewhere and the post office said his forwarding order has expired.

So There!

Bill and Hillary were sitting in front of the fire one January evening, idly perusing her photo album. "Who's that guy you're with" asked Bill. "That's Bob, an old boyfriend" Hillary replied. "Aren't you lucky you married me instead?" said Bill.

"No, you're the lucky one" said Hillary. "If I had married Bob he'd be the President." (Do you think Hillary will dump Bill for Bob after the current term so she can keep the job?)

Some Haircut!

I used to get my hair cut at the Navy barber down in Crystal City on my monthly visit to the Credit Union. Got free parking if you could get back in half an hour. The last time they had an older man doing the honors and I told him I was in a hurry.

Couldn't rush him but the other fellow saw my exasperation so pitched in - two barbers cutting my hair at once! Wasn't the greatest haircut I've ever gotten and I had to pay $3 extra because I still ran over the half hour parking limit.

Canadian Caper

Henry Alexander, our Canadian cousin, writes that a number of years back, whilst visiting a shopping centre in Toronto, he decided to buy a pair of shoes. Found some nice brogues and tried one on. Fit perfectly (size 10) so he put the shoe back in the box and bought them. Returned home some 800 miles away in Quebec and found that the other shoe was a awfully big and was a size 11!

Didn't want to go back 800 miles so stuffed the big one and wore them out. Now he checks everything for size. Wonder how many of the neighbors noticed "Big Foot"?

On a more serious note, he also wrote that his son had been badly burned as a result of some horseplay at work. Hopefully he's on his way to recovery by this time.


A nurse coming on duty saw a 60 year old woman leaving an examination room. "He'll never believe me!" she wailed. The nurse asked the doctor what he told the woman to make her so upset. "I told her she's pregnant," the doctor replied.

"You know she's to old to be pregnant, the nurse said. "Cured her hiccups," the doctor replied. (from Bob Levey's Washington)


Sent off to my clock part supplier for a "two weight bim-bam movement" as advertised. Got back two complete movements with a total of four weights, two pendulums and two mechanisms along with a double bill. Guess I needed the spare as it falls apart every month!


Well, it's been fun over these past four years putting out this little rag and I hope it's brought you a laugh or two as well as a few things to think about. I get worried about our destiny as a human race what with all the greed and avarice we see about us, the indifference and tendency to "let George do it".

I think our biggest danger is in our foregoing responsibility for taking charge of our own lives and destiny. We want governments to solve all our problems while ignoring the fact that their solution might be to hasten our demise to save on the old-age benefits. Let's start standing on our own two feet and have the courage to speak out when something is just plain wrong. And lest the conservative element think they are without sin, it is time we got back to respecting the individual, for he is the one who ultimately has to pay the piper, not some priest or official of the Christian Coalition. Whatever happened to moderation and compromise?

Best to all of you!

A newsletter to all Lloyd Woods, by Lloyd William Wood, or LWW.
HTML web version and additional comments by Lloyd Wood (L.Wood@surrey.ac.uk), or LW.