Lloyd Woods' Newsletter
Our Claim to Fame is Our Name's the Same!
Issue No. 16, December 1997
Read in Popular Mechanics (Nov 96) that there's now a
World Decimal Time Society dedicated to giving us 10-month
years and 10-day weeks and presumably 10-hour days and
100-minute hours. They're still stuck with over 365 days to
make a legitimate year, but maybe they can move the earth
a bit to bring that up to 500. Or do we settle for 3.6525 days per
week? I'm confused.
These people should be put out to pasture! Wonder why God picked
365 days for a year if base 10 was so wonderful. Even
He got tired after six days, so maybe we ought to stick with 12-based
systems and not get Him more disgusted with us than he
already is. More of those Continentals' crap, I guess.
Continuing my tirade against the metric system, have you
noticed how long the words are to describe what you're talking
about? The good old English system relies on four-letter
words for the most part, like inch, yard, mile, acre, foot, pint,
hour, week, year. The only four-letter word the metrics have that
I can recall is the gram. But they have a lot of meters, centimeters,
millimeters, kilograms, liters, joules, and steres.
At least our good old system asks you to think before using them rather
than just expanding or contracting a number of zeros. Things
that are too simple often trip us up over something insignificant.
So much for William's wisdom this week!
Icons are for idiots. Words are for wisdom. Mankind is not
going to get any smarter foisting a bunch of icons on our children
in attempts to brainwash them into the computer age. Pray tell
me, how are we going to sort these things so they can be put
in locatable order, like a dictionary?
Our First Canary
Mac was purchased at Woolworth's for about $5. The bird
seemed to like Dragnet back in the 50s and we had to cover his
cage to shut him up so we could hear the program. Sounded real
good for a five-dollar bird.
Shirley finally got her wish to move back to California when Sun
Ship went down to four days a week and I got offered a job at
Mare Island. Mac was shipped Air Express as a "one-piece chicken"
in his cage. The pilot told my father-in-law the bird rode
up front with the crew and sang all the way across country! Our
trip I'll save for another issue.
Several English programs that are a refreshing change
from our usual fare are "Are You Being Served", "Bless Me
Father, Chef", "Appearances", "One Foot in the Grave", and
"Waiting for God". They do have a knack for using real people
in their productions that is refreshing.
For the romantics there's "One Day at a Time" and
for nuts like me, "Last of the Summer Wine" - that should be a
Latest on the status of my final home; They've put a
thin laminate of marbleized stone on the sides of the "bunker"
sectioned off into large squares on the long sides and
small squares on the short side.
Still no doors or windows but it looks like we'll get our names
etched on these squares with benches to seat the contemplators.
A solid slab is on top with no entrance either so I guess the
inside is reserved for our souls.
Where to put our ashes? Aha -
they've built a fenced-in enclosure near the edge of the grassy
part. That's it! They're going to
use the enclosure for grass clippings and our ashes. I'm going
to be compost! These New Age
liberals have found the solution
of what to do with us old people. Not only will we be fulfilling
our "duty to die" but we'll be doing something useful and
saving the "me" generation the
cost of fertilizing the grass. It's
the answer to an environmentalists' prayer.
Cindy Wood writes that her grandfather, Lloyd Earl Wood,
was born in December 1894 in Clinton, IL and died in South Bend,
IN April 8, 1965. He was a carpenter and has a grandson, also
Lloyd Wood, who lives in LaPorte, IN. Her brother also
has the middle name of Lloyd.
She also writes that there was an artist-type painter in Nebraska
named Lloyd Wood and that she has several of his paintings in
Ellsworth, our country singer down in Indiana, has moved
somewhere and the post office said his forwarding order has
Bill and Hillary were sitting in front of the fire one January
evening, idly perusing her photo album. "Who's that guy you're
with" asked Bill. "That's Bob,
an old boyfriend" Hillary replied. "Aren't you lucky you
married me instead?" said Bill.
"No, you're the lucky one" said
Hillary. "If I had married Bob
he'd be the President." (Do you
think Hillary will dump Bill for
Bob after the current term so she
can keep the job?)
I used to get my hair cut at
the Navy barber down in Crystal
City on my monthly visit to the
Credit Union. Got free parking
if you could get back in half an
hour. The last time they had an
older man doing the honors and
I told him I was in a hurry.
Couldn't rush him but the other
fellow saw my exasperation so
pitched in - two barbers cutting
my hair at once! Wasn't the
greatest haircut I've ever gotten
and I had to pay $3 extra because I still ran over the half
hour parking limit.
Henry Alexander, our Canadian cousin, writes that a number of years back,
whilst visiting a shopping centre in Toronto, he decided to buy a pair of
shoes. Found some nice brogues
and tried one on. Fit perfectly (size 10) so he put the shoe
back in the box and bought them. Returned home some 800
miles away in Quebec and found that the other shoe was a awfully big and was
a size 11!
Didn't want to go back 800 miles so stuffed the big one and
wore them out. Now he checks everything for size. Wonder how
many of the neighbors noticed
On a more serious note, he also wrote that his son had been
badly burned as a result of some horseplay at work. Hopefully
he's on his way to recovery by this time.
A nurse coming on duty saw a 60 year old woman leaving an
examination room. "He'll never believe me!" she
wailed. The nurse asked the doctor what he told the woman to
make her so upset. "I told her she's pregnant," the doctor replied.
"You know she's to old to be pregnant, the nurse said. "Cured
her hiccups," the doctor replied. (from Bob Levey's Washington)
Sent off to my clock part supplier for a "two weight bim-bam movement"
as advertised. Got back two complete movements with a
total of four weights, two pendulums and two mechanisms along with a double
bill. Guess I needed the spare as it falls apart every month!
Well, it's been fun over these
past four years putting out this
little rag and I hope it's brought
you a laugh or two as well as a
few things to think about. I get
worried about our destiny as a
human race what with all the
greed and avarice we see about
us, the indifference and tendency
to "let George do it".
I think our
biggest danger is in our foregoing responsibility for taking
charge of our own lives and
destiny. We want governments
to solve all our problems while
ignoring the fact that their solution might be to hasten our demise to
save on the old-age benefits. Let's start standing on our
own two feet and have the courage to speak out when something is
just plain wrong. And lest the conservative element
think they are without sin, it is
time we got back to respecting
the individual, for he is the one
who ultimately has to pay the
piper, not some priest or official
of the Christian Coalition. Whatever happened to moderation
Best to all of you!
A newsletter to all Lloyd Woods, by Lloyd William Wood, or LWW.
HTML web version and additional comments by Lloyd Wood (L.Wood@surrey.ac.uk), or LW.